


Keith's Notepad

by BurntHoneyy



Series: Voltron Ficmas (2017) [11]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Happy Ending, Keith has ptsd, M/M, Modern AU, Shiro has PTSD, asexual Keith
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-11
Updated: 2017-12-11
Packaged: 2019-02-13 22:17:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12993681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BurntHoneyy/pseuds/BurntHoneyy
Summary: Keith, Shiro and Lotor have been dating for a while and with Keith being asexual, there were some obstacles at first but they all loved each other. Keith overhears his boyfriends having fun one night which causes him to doubt his place in the relationship.(A/N: Contains adult language and sexual mentions, please do not read if this will make you uncomfortable.)





	Keith's Notepad

**Author's Note:**

> A big big big BIG thank you to Kitten for being my BETA! Checkout their [tumblr here](http://mothmanwingman.tumblr.com/) and their[ AO3 here](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArjunaSoma).
> 
> I don't like angst. It needs to be 500 ft away from me at all times.  
> But.  
> I wanted to try something new so feedback is appreciated x

Keith woke up in a sweat, hands grasping at the empty bed around him. He was unable to stop the whimper leaving his throat when he couldn’t find either of his boyfriends. He moved a hand to wipe at his face as he sat up, feeling disgustingly wet from the sweat that occurred during his  nightmare .  His throat was dry as if he’d been screaming for hours and his head was throbbing.

Keith eventually was able to calm down his breathing enough to get out of bed and into the bathroom where he got a paper cup of water. When Shiro first got the paper cup dispenser, Keith was embarrassed and almost told him to throw it away because he’d never use it.

Yet here he was.

After Keith drank what seemed like a gallon of water, he walked back to the bed. He sat on the edge and tried to calm his heart as it was still beating a thousand miles a minute. He wanted his boyfriends. He wanted Lotor. Keith didn’t play favorites but if he had to choose, Lotor was the best at calming him down quickly. Keith didn’t know why or how, seeing as Lotor was the only one in their relationship _not_ struggling with PTSD.

Keith’s head moved towards the bedroom door when a loud noise sounded from the living room. He figured his boyfriends were probably just getting snacks or had ordered a late night pizza but when he opened the door ever so slightly, the sounds he heard had his face paling.

“You can ride me harder than that, can’t you?” Keith then heard more grunts before Lotor’s voice erupted in moans, then became muffled. “Don’t wake up Keith.” Shiro whispered.

_ Don’t wake up Keith. _

Keith swallowed hard, closing the door quietly before resting his forehead on the cool wood. The sounds were muffled further as Keith made his way back to the bed, crawling underneath the covers.

They were allowed to fuck. Keith wasn’t going to ask them to stop fucking just to come hug him. If he wasn’t ace, maybe he could have joined them and that would have made him feel better. Shiro and Lotor would probably enjoy it too. But when the image of having sex with either of them came to his mind, Keith screwed his eyes shut and tried to calm his breathing down again.

He didn’t like it. At all.

They’ve tried in the past, multiple times in multiple different positions but Keith wasn’t comfortable with any of it.

His boyfriends were beautiful, and Keith wasn’t disgusted by their bodies. That took Lotor a long time to understand but with Shiro’s help, the three of them soon developed a healthy way to continue their polygamous relationship. It was going well, amazingly well.

Or so Keith had thought.

His throat hurt even worse due to the silent sobbing and he wiped at his eyes repeatedly to get rid of the dried tears. Keith lost track of time as he laid there in silence but when the bedroom door opened, he forced himself to stay still while his heart continued beating furiously.

“I told you he would still be sleeping.”

Shiro only hummed as a response and Keith forced his body not to tense up when Lotor cuddled up behind him. The taller pulled Keith against his chest, long arms wrapping around Keith’s torso. Lotor loved cuddling and Keith was used to that. But it was different this time. The legs that were now tangled with Keith’s  were wrapped around Shiro’s waist only moments before .

Keith allowed himself to let out a single breath, trying to keep it as normal as possible so his boyfriends wouldn’t suspect he was awake. And it worked, to an extent.

“Don’t squeeze him so hard.”

“I’m not. Go to sleep, old man.”

“Lotor, he only does that when you’re holding him too tight.”

“Our boyfriend is not a squeaky toy, I promise you I am not holding him  _ too tight _ . He is  _ breathing _ .”

Keith felt the mattress shake before a cold hand cupped his cheek and he immediately recognized the smooth prosthetic. Lotor huffed, tickling the back of Keith’s neck and he involuntarily shivered, using the action to turn and hide his head into the pillow further.

“Keith, are you awake?”

Keith ignored Shiro’s question, continuing to feign sleep. He felt a kiss on the top of his head before Lotor moved one arm to tuck under Keith’s, moving his hand to rest on his chest. Lotor nuzzled the back of Keith’s neck before planting a single kiss and Keith let out another breath.

He didn’t know if he was thankful or upset that neither of them noticed the dried tears on his face.

 

 

“Would you go wake up Keith?”

“I did so half an hour ago, he said he would like more sleep.”

Lotor and Shiro were in the kitchen, Lotor sitting at the island while Shiro worked over the stove. Lotor had his hair in a messy bun and he was wearing one of Shiro’s oversized shirts with a lacey pair of black underwear. They were from Keith, which was probably the only reason why Lotor wore them.

“Could you go try again? I don’t want him to miss breakfast.” Shiro smiled over at Lotor, tilting his head.

Shiro was hovering near the stove as he was making more eggs and bacon. He was shirtless and when Lotor looked over at Shiro, his eyes immediately dropped to the sweatpants that were hanging low on his waist.

“ _ After _ you check on Keith.”

Lotor tsked, moving his eyes away and muttering something about how Shiro was ugly as he left the kitchen.

“I love you too, sweetie.”

Lotor didn’t look at Shiro and just did a sloppy wave with his hand. He quietly walked the few steps to their bedroom door and opened it, peering around at the bed. Lotor tilted his head as he saw a motionless body underneath the blankets, frowning at how dark the room was now.

Keith must have gotten up to close the blinds since the last time Lotor’s been in to wake him up.

“Love, Shiro is cooking breakfast, you should come have some.”

No response.

“Keith?”

There was a small movement which told Lotor that Keith was awake at least. Lotor made his way over to the curtains and threw them back open, wincing at the bright sunlight flooding into the room. He turned around, expecting Keith to be glaring at him but he still was hiding.

“Keith, if you’re sick  please let us take care of you.”

Lotor made his way back over to the bed and sat down near Keith, extending a hand slowly to rest on his head on top of the blanket. He moved his hand a few times in an attempt at comforting the younger man, withdrawing his arm when Keith started to move.

Lotor waited patiently, assuming Keith was preparing himself to move the covers back. But Lotor’s eyebrow raised high when Keith pushed his phone out from under the blanket with the screen up, showing a message he had typed in notepad. Keith brought his hand back under the blanket and readjusted it as Lotor reached for Keith’s phone, brows creased.

_ My throat hurts I don’t want to talk I heard you two last night I’m sorry I can’t let you just fuck me I don’t know what’s wrong with me I know it’s what you both want but I just can’t do it I’m sorry _

Lotor’s first emotion after reading Keith’s phone was anger. Not at Keith, but at himself. He was more than teasing Shiro the entire night, convincing him it would be fine if they fucked quietly in the living room after Keith went to bed. Knowing his plan didn’t work and it had backfired so bad that Keith was a mess,  _ has been a mess _ since... since last night? How long had Keith been feeling like this?

Lotor went to talk but his voice cracked and he cleared his throat, ignoring how his words wavered. “Keith, I’m sorry. There is nothing wrong with you, love.”

Lotor wanted to talk further, but he was already crying and  hated feeling vulnerable . He swallowed, screwing his eyes shut and brought a hand up to his face.

“You don’t- you don’t have to let us do  _ anything  _ to you that you are uncomfortable with. It was my idea and I thought you would stay asleep because you’re such a deep sleeper but I was wrong, and I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have suggested it to Shiro and I shouldn’t have even thought of it. I’m so sorry, love.”

Lotor was a mess but it only continued escalating as he thought about how long Keith had been feeling like this. He went to ask but Keith held out his hand and Lotor immediately placed his phone back in his palm. The smaller man pulled it back under the blanket and Lotor wiped at his face as Keith was likely typing another message.

His hand made into a fist as it rested against his lips, and he glanced over at the door. Lotor was unsure if Shiro would come to investigate his disappearance. The white-haired man took a deep breath before wiping away another tear that escaped, then looking down to notice Keith had already pushed the phone back out.

Lotor didn’t pick it up this time, gasping quietly as he read the new message.

_ I had another bad dr eaam and it woke me u p but no one was h ere _

“Keith, can you please come out or allow me to join you?” Lotor asked, making sure to keep his voice soft.

Keith didn’t move for a moment but when he did, it was a blur as he threw the blankets off him and attacked Lotor in a tight hug. Lotor only saw his face for a brief moment but his heart hurt further at the glimpse of his red face and puffy eyes. The two hugged onto each other tightly, Keith sobbing quietly as Lotor had quiet tears of his own.

“I’m so sorry, love.”

Lotor didn’t know what else to say. What else  _ was there _ to say? He fucked up. He fucked up and now Keith had to suffer for it.

“Breakfast is- what’s wrong? Are you guys okay?”

Shiro immediately came over to the side of the bed and placed a hand on the back of Keith’s head, eyes meeting Lotor’s.  “Um… he, uh…  he had a nightmare and… also heard us last night…”

Lotor’s voice cracked again and he felt his face heat up. He avoided Shiro’s eyes, not wanting an argument about how  the other was right and they shouldn’t have done anything as he hid his face in Keith’s hair. His heart was already hurting for Keith and if he saw how disappointed Shiro was in him, he’d be done for.

However, Shiro didn’t speak. He was quiet as Lotor felt a kiss to his forehead then Shiro gave Keith one as well. Keith was shaking as he continued crying into Lotor’s neck, and he wasn’t mad at them. He wanted to tell Lotor to stop apologizing and just hold him but he didn’t trust himself to speak.

Lotor somehow managed to relay to Shiro what Keith had typed on his phone, placing another kiss on Keith’s forehead. The bed dipped as Shiro made his way to hug Keith from behind, resting his head on his shoulder.

“I’m sorry we weren’t there when you needed us.”

“Stop-” Keith cleared his throat, hating how his voice cracked. “Stop saying you’re sorry, it’s  _ my _ fault because I can’t… I can’t do anything.”

Keith tightened his arms around Lotor who returned the gesture as Keith burrowed his head more into Lotor’s neck. One of Lotor’s hands were gently rubbing his back and it was soothing,  helping his sobbing lessen as time passed.

“Keith, it’s perfectly fine if you can’t be with us in that way. I don’t love you any less and neither does Lotor.”

“Are you sure?”

“Well, I cried in front of you, so that should answer your question.”

Keith felt himself laughing at Lotor’s response, the tension in his muscles decreasing. The hand on his back continued moving and as Keith’s breathing returned to normal, he forced himself to lean  back . He brought a hand to wipe at his face but before he could, a familiar hand was already there.

Shiro ignored Keith’s argument that he didn’t need to be babied, holding his chin with one hand and wiping away the tears with the other. When Keith felt the  unavoidable headache start to form, he closed his eyes and sounded a weak groan as he laid his head on Lotor’s chest.

“My head hurts…”

“I’ll get you some water.” Shiro said, kissing his forehead.

Shiro not only returned with water but with a plate full of breakfast. The three of them spent the remainder of the morning in bed with Keith to shower him with love and relentless cuddling.


End file.
